Crying

Want to see something crazy?! The tears you cry (depending what the cry is about) will look different under a microscope! Look at this:

“Tears of Change”

“Tears of Grief” 

“Onion Tears”

If you want to see more of these incredible photos or read a little more about this here is the link: 

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/the-microscopic-structures-of-dried-human-tears-180947766/

Crying is an emotional release, a way of communication, a stress reliever. It has many functions but it is hard to understand when a child or another adult cries because we don’t always know the reasoning behind it. Crying makes people uncomfortable too, as it is a display of emotion that is public and very personal at the same time. Shushing to calm, or listening to validate are two of the main philosophies. Different parenting styles will dictate how to handle crying in their own way, but I wanted to discuss my approach with you.

Emotions are a tricky thing, even with adults! So when it comes to children, how parents decide to respond, and react to emotions plays a huge role in that child’s perception of the world around them. How that child chooses to express themselves going forward will depend on their previous experiences and how the world around them reacted.

Up until the age of 7, our brains are just tiny little sponges; soaking up all the information we can so that later, we can make decisions based off all that info. Everything and anything that child experiences gets logged away for later, gets filed into a folder that can be later retrieved when the situation calls for it. Like those videos you see online, where there’s two situations that happen:

 1- the child takes a tumble and the parent rushes over and consoles the child, making a big deal out of the fall. 

2- the child takes a tumble and the parent asks if they are okay, if they need anything, and lets the child go back to playing. 

In both situations, if you look closely the child right after they fall will look to the parent. They are looking for what to do, how to react because this is all new for them. If the parent freaks out, the child will freak out because that’s what they’ve been shown that situation requires. If the parent doesn’t react, the child doesn’t react much at all. Obviously, if an injury occurs there is more to it, but that really is what it all comes down to.

In my work, a child crying is always a response to change (other than if they are teething or gassy etc). For example, a child who always slept on mom and now they are sleeping in a crib. The crib isn’t hurting the child, if anything they have more room now which is great. If done gently, the transition shouldn’t cause the child much stress either.

That child crying is just telling the parent that they aren’t a fan of the new situation because mom is much better to sleep on! They have to communicate that to you somehow.

So that all being said, I take a sensitive and non judgemental approach. I believe it’s important to be responsive to crying, but recognize the healing effect of laughing, crying, and play in the context of a great parent-child relationship.

Being respectful, empathetic and really listening and accepting a child’s emotions is key. As well, shushing is a calming noise that reminds a child of being in the womb so that’s why it’s comforting. Shushing in that context is awesome! So listening to the child and trying to understand where they are coming from (even if they can’t tell you themselves) is something to remember and consider when dealing with their emotions.

FUN FACT:

Children who get more sleep are better equipped to deal with their emotions and the visa versa. (Sadeh, et al 2011). The same can be said of adults just off observation alone, we all know that feeling of crankiness that creeps over us if we get a terrible sleep. So helping your child get a better sleep = you get a better sleep.

That’s why I say that a better sleep increases your quality of life overall, because so many different aspects of life are influenced by our sleep and the sleep of those around us.

I hope this explained where I come from with my approach and if you have any questions please please reach out and ask them because my job is to be here and support you in any sleep related issues you might be having.

As always you can contact me via the website or on social media if you want to talk about what your needs are, how I can help, or even if you just have some questions you’d like answered. I am here for you and your family.

I hope you have a great Monday,

-Marina