Parental Preference - Let’s help both parents settle baby!
Navigating Parental Preferences When it Comes to Your Little’s Sleep
I often work with families who have different preferences when
it comes to how they settle their baby at bedtime. Plus, in many
households, one parent is feeding the child which triggers that
automatic preference and sometimes one parent is more comfortable
or confident in soothing the child to sleep than the other.
This can create a sense of imbalance or frustration, especially
if the "preferred" parent needs a break or has other commitments.
But ideally, all caregivers should play a role in the child's sleep routine!
Sharing the responsibility not only helps the child develop
a secure attachment to both parents but also ensures that
the caregiving load is balanced. So, how can parents navigate this?
Here are some steps to help parents work together in getting their baby to sleep:
1. Acknowledge the Preferences
It’s important to recognize and state that parental preferences
are natural. It might seem silly but even just pointing out and
talking about how one parent is preferred and the weight that
carries is important. Another aspect is one parent might feel
more confident with certain soothing methods, such as rocking
or patting, while the other may prefer to let the baby self-soothe.
One might have a calming presence that the baby responds well to,
while the other may not yet feel as comfortable or skilled.
Understanding, discussing and respecting these preferences is the first step.
2. Work and Learn Together on a Unified Routine
Children thrive on routine, and consistency is key for providing
sleep foundations and especially when you’re working on
seeing positive sleep changes. If one parent is the primary at bedtime,
it can be helpful to have a predictable routine that both parents are
comfortable with. This creates a sense of security for the baby
and reduces confusion. Get on the same page so you can do the same
thing as each other! You’ll be surprised at the little differences that can
impactful.
3. Gradual Involvement of Both Parents
If one parent typically handles the child’s sleep routine, it can be
intimidating for the other partner to step in. Start by having the
non-primary parent participate in the bedtime routine in smaller ways.
For example, they could help with the bath, read a story, or stay in
the room while the primary puts the baby to sleep.
Tip: Start by having the other parent participate in the sleep routine
during the day or nap times first. This helps them get used to the
process without the added pressure of nighttime sleep, which tends
to be more emotionally charged.
4. Support Each Other's Confidence
There is no one “right” way to settle a baby. Be patient with each other
and share the responsibility. Celebrate small successes—whether
it’s the baby calming down after a few minutes or the fact that
you’re both actively involved in the process.
5. Build Attachment with Baby During the Day
Having the non-primary parent spend time alone with baby during
the day is a great way to build that safe, secure attachment. This
translates into nights!
Final Thoughts
Parents who can work together to settle their baby to sleep are
setting the stage for a more harmonious household and a stronger
bond with their little one. These preferences happen, but by
communicating openly, supporting each other, and being
patient with the process, both parents can share the responsibility.
Settling babies doesn’t need to be a one-person job—it can be an
opportunity for both parents to be actively involved in
their child’s sleep journey.
By following these steps, you'll be able to find a rhythm that
works for everyone, allowing your baby to sleep soundly and
both parents to feel confident and supported. If you have any questions
please reach out and book your FREE discovery call today!
-Your Paediatric Sleep Consultant
💚 Marina Godard-Simon
